They made me drive the damn ship for a five-year tour
I never got a medal and I never got to score
I never saw a piece of the action I got so g***** bored
I chased the f****** captain with a mother*** sword
I’m Sulu

Well I don’t like the Klingons, I got no love for Romulans
And everybody thinks of me as their little yellow friend (He’s different!)
Well someday I’ll make captain and everyone will bend
And just like Kirk does a miniskirt I’ll f*** you in the end
I’m Sulu

Sulu
I’ll take this ship and I’ll take its crew
Sulu
Well don’t sit down cause I ain’t through
Sulu
Are you ready to warp are you ready to s****?
Sulu
Cause you’ll be the one that I beam into

Baby I ain’t seen it all but this is what I know
The captains are the lucky ones who get the green skin hos
Just once I’d like to go and write my own episode
Never mind, I’d rather grind on my own f***** show

Well I work for the captain and I work for Mr. Spock
But one day I’ll bend ‘em over and show ‘em how I dock
And if they don’t like it they can just get out and walk
While I go on to man the con and teach Star Fleet how to rock